


Healing broken pieces

by skyloftclouds



Series: Memoria universe [2]
Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
Genre: Angst, Cloud Strife Needs a Hug, Discussions of Past Abuse, Discussions of past torture, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sephiroth (Compilation of FFVII) Needs A Hug, talking about traumatic events, with a bit of fluff sprinkled in between
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 10:07:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29062569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyloftclouds/pseuds/skyloftclouds
Summary: Continuation of the Oneshot "Memoria".Cloud and Sephiroth decide to continue talking about their past, even though they may reach their limits by doing that. Time is supposed to heal wounds, but can the ones that already left scars be healed?
Relationships: Sephiroth/Cloud Strife
Series: Memoria universe [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1843069
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	Healing broken pieces

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings: Mentions of death, feelings of helplessness/depression
> 
> I finally continued this and I'm so happy that I can finally share this with everyone. It's an ongoing thing and I haven't finished all chapters, but it won't be that long anyway. Or at least I hope so. :'D  
> I hope y'all enjoy reading this, even if they both suffer for a while.

They must’ve fallen asleep because Cloud woke up with his body draped over Sephiroth’s, head on his chest. Cloud sat up carefully and turned around to get a better look at the clock, they had been asleep for roughly two hours. Not that it really mattered, they didn’t have any real plans for today besides resuming their talking session. But that had to wait after they made some lunch. Cloud couldn’t think straight with an empty stomach and he doubted Sephiroth felt any different.

Sephiroth was still asleep and Cloud used the opportunity to look at his face. It looked a lot more relaxed than when he was awake. Sephiroth seemed at peace, something that he should have experienced way earlier. Cloud pressed a soft kiss on his forehead and brushed some of Sephiroth’s hair out of his face. That seemed to wake him up and green eyes met Cloud’s blue ones.

“Did we fall asleep?” Sephiroth’s voice sounded a bit tired, kind of vulnerable. Cloud nodded and smiled. “We did. But it’s fine.” Sephiroth let his fingers glide through Cloud’s hair and earned a pleased hum. Cloud laid his head back onto Sephiroth’s chest and closed his eyes, he wanted to enjoy this moment as much as possible.

After a while Cloud’s stomach started growling and Sephiroth chuckled. “You’re already hungry again?” Cloud blushed in embarrassment and got up, Sephiroth followed soon after. “Sorry.”

“Nothing to apologize for, how about pancakes?” Cloud nodded in agreement and followed Sephiroth to the kitchen. Cloud had once set it on fire while trying to make some pasta and since then Sephiroth has forbidden him from trying to cook. Not that it bothered Cloud, he didn’t like to cook that much, and he loved eating the food Sephiroth made for them.

Cloud liked watching Sephiroth cook, there was something about his gentle movement that relaxed every bone in Cloud’s body. It was the complete opposite from his movement in combat. Sephiroth was careful with each ingredient he picked up and cut everything with such a calm attitude that Cloud couldn’t help but stare.

Maybe he was just helplessly in love.

Suddenly, Cloud remembered their earlier conversation in the morning and a soft blush made its way on his face. Were they in a relationship yet? Neither of them had asked the other and Cloud figured it was probably for the best if they just left it unattended for the moment.

Sephiroth seemed to notice Cloud’s troubled thoughts and he smiled at him over his shoulder before turning his attention back to the pancakes. Cloud leaned on one of the counters and watched Sephiroth cook, his expression probably displayed all the love he felt for him. But Cloud didn’t really care, the elephant was already dancing in the room, there was no use to try to hide his feelings now. And he wanted Sephiroth to know that despite everything that had happened he loved him, and he deserved to be loved, even if Sephiroth didn’t think so.

While Cloud felt oddly at peace with the situation, worry began to fill his thoughts. They still had to talk about uncomfortable things. A lot of those might hurt and reopen old wounds, making them feel all the pain they never wanted to ever experience again.

Cloud knew they could call the entire thing off, pretend nothing has ever happened. But was that the right way to do things? To hide away from all those painful memories? Yet all the hiding would prove futile, for the memories would soon suffocate them.

After they had eaten lunch, Sephiroth and Cloud sat down in their usual spots, facing each other across the tiny table separating them. Once again, Cloud had made them some tea and this time Sephiroth picked up the mug without hesitation. Cloud’s heart fluttered at the sight, Sephiroth really did trust him.

“So… what do you want to talk about today?” Cloud took a sip of his tea, trying to focus. “Mm. I’m thinking about something not too painful today. Though then we would be damned to talk about the weather.” Sephiroth had a good point. Nothing they had experienced was easy to talk about. Even if they would decide to talk about their childhood, it would still hurt. Wherever they turned, there would be pain.

But the pain was proof they were alive, that they could still feel.

Cloud checked the piece of paper lying in front of him. “How about we start with the Geostigma crisis? It’s at least better than everything else on our list.” Sephiroth nodded in agreement.

Cloud didn’t really know where to start, the entire event had been draining on his strength and all too often he had been worrying about finding a cure for Denzel before he himself would die. It wasn’t a time he was very fond of, especially once the Remnants started appearing. But it was easier to talk about this than all the other things that were written on the list. It hurt, but it was a good hurting.

He had always wondered how Sephiroth had pulled the entire thing off, considering he had been sitting in the Lifestream for two whole years. Cloud figured now was the perfect opportunity to satisfy his curiosity.

“Can I ask you something before we start?” Sephiroth nodded. “Go ahead.” “How did you manage to create those Remnants? Like, weren’t you dead?” Sephiroth snorted. Cloud had never heard that sound from him before. It made him seem more human and Cloud appreciated that Sephiroth didn’t try to hide it.

“To put it simply: I refused to become one with the Lifestream. I focused on my hatred for you entirely to maintain that state.” Cloud nodded to show Sephiroth that he was listening. “When the Lifestream erupted on the surface of the planet and I caused the Geostigma, I came up with the plan to create three beings that represented myself while also being their own entity. It was to show you that I would never leave you alone.”

Cloud hummed slightly. “One way to show you’re obsessed with someone, huh?” Sephiroth shrugged. “I pride myself in saying I have a stubborn side.” Cloud was taking a sip of his tea and struggled to not choke on it as he burst out laughing.

“Stubborn doesn’t begin to describe it, Seph.” Sephiroth stared at him with huge eyes for a split second but managed to regain his composure. “No one has called me that for a long time…” Cloud started to panic immediately, even though he couldn’t really say why. His entire body tensed up and he watched Sephiroth’s face closely.

“I’m sorry. I can stop calling you like that if you want.” Sephiroth shook his head. “Don’t stop, please. I... like it.” He quickly took a sip of his tea to stop talking and Cloud saw a faint blush making its way onto Sephiroth’s face.

They were silent for a few seconds, both occupied with different kinds of thoughts. It wasn’t easy to talk about the past, but if they wanted to heal the still stinging wounds, they would have to endure the slight pain that made its way across their hearts.

Cloud looked at the paper in front of him and read over the notes he took. He had planned to talk about the battle and the overall feeling the crisis had brought upon himself. Although he wanted to know more about what it was like to be in the Lifestream.

Sephiroth seemed to have had a certain amount of consciousness at the time, prompting Cloud to think of all kinds of questions he wanted to ask him.

“Were you conscious during your time in the Lifestream?” Sephiroth tapped his chin in thought. “I had maintained some kind of consciousness, but I couldn’t walk around or change my appearance like the Ancients can. The Lifestream had already taken my memories of the past, even if I would’ve been able to change my appearance or use my powers, my memories weren’t there to aid me.”

It seemed like the Lifestream was different for everybody. Cloud remembered that for him it felt like never-ending darkness. Tifa told him she had been able to see his memories and help him remember the true events of the Nibelheim incident. And for Sephiroth it had been entirely different too.

Normally, people weren’t able to leave the Lifestream. Therefore no one could say what it was like. Cloud remembered what it had been like, although his memories started to get blurrier as time progressed. He didn’t mind it though, it was a time he wasn’t particularly fond of.

They both took a sip of their tea, it started to get cold.

Sephiroth placed his mug down, clearing his throat. “I want to apologize.” Cloud raised an eyebrow in question. “For what?” He knew the question itself was pretty dumb, of course he knew what Sephiroth could apologize for.

“For inflicting so much pain upon you. Stabbing you twice through the chest is one thing, but I caused you so much pain over several years. I’m really sorry about that.” Cloud wanted to say that it was okay and maybe it was for him, but in reality it wasn’t. It had shaped him in so many different ways, caused him to suffer and feel like it would never end. But it wasn’t all Sephiroth’s fault.

“If the Nibelheim incident didn’t happen, you wouldn’t have had to suffer so many years as Hojo’s experiment.” Cloud started to shiver, he felt cold all of a sudden. “I-It’s fine…” His heart started to beat faster but Cloud tried his best to ignore it. Sephiroth looked at him and his expression softened. “I’m sorry if I stirred up old memories. We can take a break if you want to.”

Cloud nodded and got up from his seat, he needed fresh air. Sephiroth followed him outside without saying anything.

“You know…”, Cloud turned around slightly to look at Sephiroth, who was still standing in the doorway to their balcony “…I’m glad we’re talking about all of this. It hurts, but it’s a good kind of hurting.” Sephiroth approached slowly, putting his arms around Cloud’s waist. “We don’t need to talk about it every day though. I can see that it’s hard on you.”

Cloud sighed and closed his eyes for a few seconds before opening them again. “Don’t pretend like it doesn’t hurt you as well. It’s okay to feel things, Sephiroth.” That earned him a huff. “I want you to know that it’s okay if you want to take a break too, Sephiroth. This is about both of us learning to cope with the things that happened, not trying to put the blame on anyone.”

“I know.” Cloud leaned back into Sephiroth’s embrace with a smile. “I’m glad that we have this chance to talk about things.” Sephiroth was silent for a while, he was probably occupied with his own thoughts. “Me too…”

They went inside shortly after that, and Cloud prepared some more tea for them. It was easier to talk when you had a warm mug in your hands that you could stare at. They would need to buy more tea the next time they went out grocery shopping.

Once they had sat down again, Sephiroth looked at Cloud with a questioning look. He only tilted his head to one side, waiting for Sephiroth to start speaking. “I’m wondering what it feels like having Geostigma.” Cloud didn’t know how to describe it. There was so much related to it, both physical and mentally. He sighed and rubbed his temples.

“Already starting with the hard questions, huh?” Sephiroth grabbed his mug and took a quick sip. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to.” Cloud shook his head. “I want to answer. It’s just hard to describe.” He had to think carefully about this or else he would accidentally hurt Sephiroth and make him feel responsible when it wasn’t completely his fault. Most people got healed after Cloud took them to Aerith’s church, but there were still some people that carried the disease with them, they were still suffering.

“Your body fights against those Jenova cells and it slowly grows weaker. But your mind does too. You feel like nothing matters anymore, that you will die soon. Some people did, those were mostly children.” He looked up to see Sephiroth’s reaction, but half of his face was hidden behind his long bangs. “There’s no way I can ever atone for this.” Cloud took a sip from his tea.

“Some people might not forgive you, but that’s to be expected. There’s no way you could please everyone on the entire planet.” Sephiroth nodded. “But I forgive you, remember that Sephiroth.” He looked up and Cloud could see surprise written across his face. “Why?” “Well, I know you pretty well by now. I watched your development over the years, and I know that you really feel remorse for the things you’ve done. And you apologized to me.” Sephiroth sighed. “It still feels weird. I hurt you so much and here you are. Living together with me.” Cloud knew that feeling all too well, he had been there once as well. Trying to figure out why the hell Tifa continued to support him even though he lashed out at her and the others and made so many mistakes during their journey to chase Sephiroth. But after some while he found out why she still stayed with him and continued to pick him up whenever he fell.

She cared about him. And he cared about Sephiroth, even when he couldn’t see it now.

“There’s this small spring in Aerith’s church filled with holy water that can cure Geostigma, we try to send it to all the people that can’t travel here. The situation is under control now, but it still scarred some people.” He had to think about Marlene and Denzel, those two had been hit by the crisis pretty hard. They both were still mad about all the things that Sephiroth had done, but Cloud couldn’t blame them. He understood their pain.

For a few seconds both of them were silent, each occupied with their own thoughts and feelings. Sephiroth broke the silence first. “I know I said it several times by now but I’m really sorry that I stabbed you.” Cloud only shrugged and smiled weakly. “To be fair, the second one was on me. I should’ve seen that one coming.” “Doesn’t excuse my actions though. I still hurt you and gave you a lot of scars.”

Sephiroth was right about that, but those scars remind him of the things he’s been through and what he changed with that. Some still hurt, mentally, but that’s the part of healing. They could get through this, together. It was just a matter of time until they were ready to talk about the heavy stuff. Mostly things tied to Hojo. Just thinking about the man made Cloud anxious and he quickly tried to think about something else.

“I can sense that you’re getting anxious again. Is it because of something I said?” Cloud shook his head. “No. It’s fine.” Sephiroth sighed and took a sip of his slightly cold tea. “Did you think about Hojo again?” Cloud fidgeted with his fingers and shot Sephiroth a half angry look. “Get out of my head.” That made Sephiroth laugh and Cloud stopped in his tracks for a few seconds.

Was this the first time he heard Sephiroth laugh? Sure, Cloud had heard him laugh plenty of times, but those were during the moments in which Sephiroth still believed Jenova was his mother. It sent a shiver down his spine to think about it. “Distract me for a bit.” Sephiroth stopped laughing and looked at Cloud with a worried expression. “How about we go for a walk?”

There weren’t that many people outside and it calmed Cloud down a bit. The last thing he wanted now were people asking him about Sephiroth. They could’ve dyed and cut his hair but Sephiroth wanted to keep his hair like it was. To him it was proof of standing up to Hojo, to demand to be his own person. Cloud didn’t know the reason behind this but sooner or later he would learn it.

For a few minutes they just walked around the half empty streets of edge, enjoying each other’s company in silence. Cloud wanted to hold Sephiroth’s hand, but he didn’t know if it was the right thing to do. What if Sephiroth hated holding hands in public? And then there was still the unresolved matter of their relationship. Should he ask Sephiroth to be his boyfriend or were they in a relationship now? It was hard to tell.

As if Sephiroth heard his thoughts he slowly reached out and grabbed Cloud’s hand. Out of surprise he flinched slightly, but Sephiroth interpreted it differently and immediately retracted his hand. “I’m sorry. I should’ve asked first.” Cloud blushed and scratched the back of his head nervously. “No it’s fine. It just surprised me that you reached out first.” Sephiroth looked at him with an expression that screamed love and smiled slightly. Cloud could see his pupils get bigger. “So… it’s okay if I hold your hand?” He nodded and held out his hand for Sephiroth to grab. It was warm.

They walked around for a while until they ended up somewhere secluded, close to the edge of town. Cloud got the courage to ask the question he had wanted to all day now. “What are we now? Like we both confessed our love, but where does that leave us?” Sephiroth stopped in his tracks and turned around to look at Cloud. He didn’t say anything though and it made Cloud nervous, so he continued talking to stop his thoughts from wandering off again. “If you want to remain friends then I’m okay with that. I just thought I’d ask…”

Sephiroth grabbed Cloud and pulled him closer to embrace him. “I don’t want to be just your friend.” Cloud thought that Sephiroth smelled nice. Like home. “Do you want to be my boyfriend then?” Sephiroth was silent for a few seconds. “Boyfriend…” Cloud looked up at him and saw him smile slightly. “That sounds nice…”

**Author's Note:**

> I sadly can't say when I update again because school is keeping me pretty busy right now, but I'll try to update at least every two weeks!


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